Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
where are you?
Hypothermia
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
