The maid of honor just puked.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
