so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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