my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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