Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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