The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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