after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
