Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
