Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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