You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
