Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
