your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
