is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
