no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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