you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
