speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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