So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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