Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
