Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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