my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
