On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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