Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
