I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
