His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
