i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
smell my finger.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
