I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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