listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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