maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
