Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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