New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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