and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
