i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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