You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
