hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
