We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
