Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
