she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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