Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize