Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
