Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
