i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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