the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
