apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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