you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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