dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
