HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
