Since when is my name a synonym for head?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
