Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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