FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
