He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
