Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
