Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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