I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
40s are totally the cure
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
