At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
