If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
