he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
