i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
