I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
