Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
