remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize