he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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