I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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