My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
