So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
