I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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