Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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